Lack of attention

Man, its been long since I blogged. You know that feeling when you try to talk to someone and that person just ignores you? Or, when you go somewhere in a big group and kinda got left out? If you you feel that way, then there is one thing I will say, which is, "We are in the same boat". My social since young was not really saying "Popular" but more of "Popular but not popular". I have always turned to be the girl to look for when you need her eventually, and this is from people's point of view. My whole school life sine I was in kindergarten has been that way. I am only there to listen to their complains and to help them when they need help. But when I am in desperate need of someone to be there for me, they all disappear. It has been the same in kindergarten, in primary school (age 7-12) and also in high school ( age 13-17). It's the same in college too. Actually worse in college. Especially when they put all the pressure on you when they could be sharing the pressure so it would be light on everyone. Best part is, they threw all pressure on me thinking they wouldn't be affected by any way but in this sense I think I have luck on my side because when I fell due to the pressure they threw on me, they fell along with their grades. Not to say that I wanted them to suffer for what they did, it's just I wanted things to be fair. Some think that that's a bad thing and some barely even cares. When I start to write about this topic, I tend to go very far and off topic too. I can go long about this but you know what I am going to try make it short and clear. Basically, in my life other than torturous learning area where I am treated like I'm not one of them ( aliens and such ). I have another place that no matter how much I get pushed down there despite the fact that I was already on the ground before approaching them, I still try to think that there is still hope for them to help me up, and that place is, my very own home. I live with a sister ,both parents and my grandmother. I get pushed down very often and its all for different reasons. Well, in kindergarten there were already the famous and the infamous. In primary school there were bias-ness. As much I hate to tell it but it seems that way. In high school there were bullies of the "group" (meaning a group of prefects/ a group of librarians/ a group of famous people or something like that) there was a division that I knew from start and hated it. Now, in college, I am treated like I am someone else (I feel like its a race issue but I don't know for sure what Is their real problem towards me). I know I did my all to help them but in return they hate me. There are some good ones but they are kinda far from me. I don't have that one person I could depend on no matter what. Sometimes i feel like have a boyfriend at least one will make you understand life better of be even more independent. I have been single since birth and no one liked me or even took me as a girl. I agree, I have been raised as a boy among my family. So while I took my lifetime to learn how to be a car mechanic, an electrician, a doctor, a physiotherapist, a nutritionist and more, my sister took her time to have fun. She has an ex-boyfriend and now currently crushing on one guy. Me, on the other hand, is searching for the one guy who sees me as a girl with feelings of a girl. Sure, I am not a hot stuff girl with model like look on the face or body and not as smart as Albert Einstein and I bet a lot people would be thinking why would anyone go out with her. Sometimes, they even say it to my face. At the current moment of total pressure and depression. I wish to get more attention from people. It doesn't have to be a love attention. It could a respect because all my life I just wanted one thing and one thing only, which is, respect that I am a girl and I am no different, in a bad way, than anyone out there. Can I have that one thing I wanted? I wonder.......